December 10th, 2012

Dear Damen Robert,

Today or family lost another soul before their time. Way before her time. Your big cousin lily had been fighting cancer for two years and early this morning she passed. I know you're too young right now to understand death, cancer, or any of that heavy stuff. I'm thankful for that. You do know that something is up though. You're to smart little man.

Two years ago Lil was diagnosed with alveolar rhabdomyosarcoma. That is a big way to describe an especially horrid cancer. We were all floored. A year later after horrible chemo and radiation, she was in remission. For two months.

Another scan showed a mass near her thyroid. The drugs wouldn't work again. Nothing would work. It was a death sentence. Her mommy is so brave, they decided to just live. And did they live.

The last few months she'd been getting weak. She complained a total of one time this entire ordeal. She finally said she was tired.

Before she went she woke up, feeling comfortable and happy. She shared happy memories and was listing all the people she loved. This is a perfect last memory.

You never got to say goodbye baby boy, which is so unfair. This whole situation is unfair. I hope you remember lil. I hope you remember jumping on the trampoline with her, Playing kitties with her and shae, playing Wii. You were so fond of her, and she loved you so much. When you were a baby she always wanted to care for you. The love in her eyes...

She isn't hurting anymore, which is what kept me from being a teary mess all day. I was strong for you and rylee. You two don't need to know how dark and unfair the world can be, that will be hopefully much, much later.

For now, I will hope you don't ask where she is, and comfort myself and your daddy with the fact that you now have three guardian angels.

Thank you for saving my sanity, mister.

I love you forever,
Mommy